Driving...

SUCKS. I think its just me that feels this way...because i'm insane. As a kid the thought of driving was perfect, it was like once you had a car & a license you were free. But now that i'm there i dont feel that way at all. I'm not a bad driver. i passed the test, i got my license, & i have a car. But I still cant drive somewhere without having an anxiety attack. All my friends & the people I know who got there license didnt feel this way at all. They just started driving & going as soon as they could & i kind of feel bad. I know its worse for me because i have ADHD. i know without my medicine driving is extremely hard for me, like i dont take it seriously & i'm a little all over the place (not that it happens often, just that my medicine starts to wear off). But when I do take it & i'm going somewhere that i havent been before i get extremely nervous & tense, like i think i'm doing everything wrong. I just always feel like i'm going to do something wrong, no matter what. Thats why i dont like to keep driving, i'm like okay i drove for 20 minutes i did fine lets not drive any longer & take a chance. Thats not a normal way to think, but of course i'm not normal...UGHHH & again i hate comparing myself to so many other people who love to drive. Like just the thought of driving to school tomorrow makes me panicky, & i'm even going with my friend! sometimes I wish i could just be normal, & get over this fear...but of course i cant, cause I suck.

So if you guys are like me, or have been when you first started driving then let me know cause i could useee it.

xoxo that girl Dee...

Venting/Rant #2 I just want someone to care...

If I'm crying & upset & you supposedly care about me I expect you to come & comfort me. I dont care if you already did it, & i'm crying for the same stupid thing...I just wants to be comforted & listened to. Something happened with my mother where she made me feel really abd & all I wanted her to do was hod me & tell me that she was sorry but of course that will never happen. My mother will never admit shes wrong no matter what, & i hate that. All I want was her to hold me & of course that will never happen because i'm not her favorite kid. I'm the kid thats bad and loud, & has a problem with everything, & i'll always be that kid but that doesnt mean my problems dont matter. It doesnt mean when i'm upset over something she did, that she could go to sleep so easily why I cry myself to sleep. Its not fair. especially being the type of person i am i dont let things go, i dont know why but i cant & its killing me that shes a sleep right now. To top it all off my sister held me & comforted me once but i guess that was a one time thing cause once I started to get upset again she just pretended I didnt exist. All I want is my mom to wake up & tell me shes sorry & to hold me because if not its going to bother me all night. I know its insane & dramatic but thats the type of person I am & always will be. Its times like this were my mind wonders to an incredibly depressive state. A place where all I could think about is hurting myself...but i won't, i never do. There was times were I would cut because I couldnt handle all the emotions that I was going through, I didnt know how to make it stop or release them...& cutting was the only way I knew how to. But thankfully i stopped for a year, & things were going great until now. I promise to the few people that read this that i'll stay strong...I always do.

xoxo that girl Dee.

Welcome!:)

Hello to the people that will eventually read my blog. Since i’m going to try to stay an anonymous as I can, you can call me Dee. I’m an 17 year old girl living in the big city…& it’s pretty hard. And to top it all off, I have ADHD…Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, (which makes PMSing 10x as worse) but will talk more about that later. I’m creating this blog to hopefully get money, but thats a pipe dream. But i’m also creating it to see if it’ll help me deal with everyday life as a girl who doesn’t really fit it. I’m a senior in a high school where barely anyone knows who I am or what my name is, and that sucks. Currently i’m dealing with SATs, thinking about college, and overall getting stressed out before my senior year starts. I love to read, write, draw, and listen to music, and how could I forget watching T.V. All those things will make for an interesting blog dont ya think? But i also hope to write about those things as well, recommend good movies, books, and songs. I’ll even write about pop culture, because no one who knows me cares about how Miley Cyrus humped a foam finger last night at the VMAs. I’ve tried to write blogs before, when i was a lot younger but i’d never continue them cause i knew no one would read them. But i’m hoping things will be different, that i’ll continue even if no one reads this. But we’ll see. I’ll talk about dealing with a crazy fantastic mother, 2 older sisters, a younger brother, & an annoying stepdad. I’ll talk about how much I hate my life one day, and how amazing it is the next…you know normal girl things. So I guess thats it….wish me the best   

xoxo That girl Dee