Daily Image : Peter Pan

A quote from one of my all time favorite characters, Peter Pan. Theres something about a boy who cant let go of his youth & innocence that I can relate to. Not only is the story fictional, but its relatable. We all had the moments where we wished we could stay young forever, & just put off on growing up for as long as we can. To be honest I think we all have a little bit of Peter Pan in ourselves...

xoxo That Girl Dee.

Panicking...

So the very few people that read this, knows I recently went to apply for a job where my sisters works as a cashier. That was a pretty awkward experience, I bit all my nails & even tripped UP the stairs in front of everyone to laugh. But that being said, afterwards they said they would call wednesday...& that was driving me crazy. The thought of having to talk on the phone with some stranger made me hyperventilate. But they didn't call, so I thought maybe I wont get the job...which i was happy & sad about (because I need money for my disney trip) But anyway they called today & i start training on monday. Thankfully my sister will train me monday, but the second day some random stranger will be training me & i have never been so nervous. Like its stupid I get it, but i cant help it. I'm socially awkward in so many ways, & the thought of having this person (who is a boy & whos cute) watching me & talking to me makes me nervous. Like ugh....How am I supposed to get through this day. & to top it all off my sister wont be there which makes everything worse. I'm just scared & its something that has been on my mind all day...

Hopefully it wont be that bad (even though I know it will )

Xoxo That girl Dee....

What is wrong with me?

Because seriously I'd like to know...

This might be my crazy teen female hormones, but I feel like nothing ever goes right for me. Maybe thats a tad dramatic, but seriously. All I've ever wanted was to have the amazing teen movie high school experience...but i knew that it was impossible because thats not who i am. But I want a boy to think i'm pretty.  I want to be courageous enough to actually tell a boy i like them...or even talk to them. But no...I cant because i'm incredibly shy. But why is being shy & awkward holding me back? Because I have a friend who's exactly like me, but boys always like her & want to talk to her. I'm just starting to feel more and more bad about myself. Why cant I be interesting & outgoing? why cant i be beautiful & different? What makes me so unlikable. Its like i'll never be the person that I want too...I'll never get the things I've always dreamed about. I just want to be happy & I want to make the best of my senior year, but how can i do that when the thought of socializing gives me a panic attack? So many people tell me to put myself out there to face my fears but I cant...it scares me. If a slightly attractive person sits next to me, I tense up thinking that their silently judging me. I put on this facade & I act like I don't care what people think, i don't care that i have a few close friends, like i'm to cool to care about anything but thats not the truth. Because in my mind I'm hoping someone will see right through it all & see me for what I really am...An awkward, insecure, shy, antisocial mess of a human being.

Maybe things will change, but I doubt it...

Xoxo that girl Dee...

Hopeless Romantic

So i'm officially a senior in high school which means I need to find a boyfriend that will be my high school sweetheart...I know its very realistic (sense the sarcasm.) Its just i'm the type of girl that dreams of a romance movie as a life. Meeting a guy that you know is the one, and falling madly in love. I know thats a long shot, not only in high school but in everyday life...but I still have hope. It's just insane to think that could ever happen, especially in high school. Being the shy girl I am, I couldnt imagine anyone having feelings for me like that. I dont even talk to any guys that could even be possible candidates in my romance story. The thought of someone who I dont really know actually liking me is crazy...even though there are many boys who I like that i barely know. But sometimes i cant help but wish someone will admit there feelings & we'll ride off into the sunset with each other. Oh God i'm going to be disappointed.  I just feel that this year should be different than the others. I should do things that I normally dont do, maybe even getting over my fears & actually talking to people...

but I guess we'll see.

xoxo That girl Dee. :)

Daily Image:

I just wish I had the courage to actually tell you this...

xoxo that girl Dee.

Holy Grail Music Video is finally out!

I'm a big Justin timberlake & Jay-Z fan & I loved the song when it came out & I was really excited about the music video so you should check it out:)

Holy Grail Music Video

xoxo, that girl Dee :).

So much to do & not enough time...

Many teens like myself are huge procrastinators, & if you're not then you deserve an award. But I don't know if its the ADHD but compared to many of my friends I take procrastination to the next level. I put off all the things I have to do till the last minute, & then comes the anxiety. Just thinking about all of the things I have to do before school & comparing that to the 3 days I have left (omg just realized it was 3 days) gives me a major case of anxiety. There's so many things to do & not enough time & it sucks. I'm not even the type of person who can sit down take a breath make a list & organize myself, a trait I definitely know has to so with my ADHD. I feel like when I actually make a list of everything & try to figure out a schedule my head will explode cause I'll realize that it's impossible. & I know it's no ones fault but my own which really doesn't help. That just makes me feel worse, like if I was just smart enough to try to do everything a little at a time a few weeks ago i wouldn't be in this mess. I just feel like times moving to fast & I can barely grasp onto a moment. It's just one thing after another. It feels like the more I tho k about it the more things it seems like I have to do & it scares me. Like this is my senior year, it's supposed to be the best one yet & I already ruined it...UGH. This whole summer I couldn't think about going back to school or starting to prepare to go back that I made a big mess of things. To top it all off I got my license in June but driving still gets me nervous & I haven't really drove in a while & now on Wednesday I have to drive to school alone like how am I going to be able to do  that. 

K after I wrote this i save it & I took some time to figure things out. I wrote everything out & I talked to my mom I planned out a schedule & she helped me find a way to get everything done before school & my head didn't explode. So I guess if any of you are stressing like I was take a deep breath & organize yourself it's the best way to handle everything :) 

Xoxo that girl Dee. 

Money, money, money...

Recently at the ripe old age of 17 I've started to realize how important money is & how it controls everything. You must think wow how stupid can I be? & you're right. But I always knew you needed money for everything & all that, but I guess you can say I've learned the value of a dollar. Ever since I could remember my mom told my siblings & I that she doesn't care about us getting jobs as long as we're working hard in school & getting good grades...& I've been doing that. Going to a private school that has a reputation for veiny hard takes a toll on a person. I've always studied & got good grades & I couldn't imagine having a time for a job. All my friends who do have jobs barely have time to study & were borderline failing & I couldn't imagine that being me. My mom would always give me money here & there whenever I needed it, I usually saved my Christmas money & my birthday money & would use that if I needed anything. But I don't really buy things because I wear a uniform to school, I still fit into my really old jeans so I'm good. But this summer was different. I actually needed contacts, & I wanted to get my hair done & all this stuff but my mom has been going through money troubles lately. We're not poor & we're not rich, we're like middle class. But my moms a single mother with 4 kids & she's retired, & she's been having a lot of trouble with my dad with the child support so things have been a little difficult. Especially with one kid in college & one in private school things aren't easy. So I'm starting to realize that I want, want, want...but I have nothing to give. My family also planned a trip to Orlando Florida, to go to Disney & Universal & all these places & I could tell my moms a little stressed about all the money,& I feel Terrible. I've started to see that I can't keep on depending on my sister, my mom or my grandma for money anymore, I'm 17 & it's time to grow up...so I've decided to get a job. You guys must think "wow she's lazy, 17 & no job?" We'll that's not the case. I'm going to talk about this more in a future post but I'm incredibly awkward & social situations give me anxiety.& that's what a  job is, interacting with people while doing a service for mula. Well any job a 17 year old girl with no experience can get. So that's what I've been stressing about for the past few weeks. 

So what's the lesson here kids? Money is the key to everything... 

Xoxo that girl Dee. 

Daily Advice #3: Always be there for the ones you love.

No matter whats going on or how you feel when a person you care about is upset or going through a hard time you go to them & you try to help in any way possible. Listen, hold them, tell them how much you love them, do anything you possibly could to help the situation, to show them that you're there for them. Because you'll never know how much they need you.

xoxo that girl dee

Venting/Rant #2 I just want someone to care...

If I'm crying & upset & you supposedly care about me I expect you to come & comfort me. I dont care if you already did it, & i'm crying for the same stupid thing...I just wants to be comforted & listened to. Something happened with my mother where she made me feel really abd & all I wanted her to do was hod me & tell me that she was sorry but of course that will never happen. My mother will never admit shes wrong no matter what, & i hate that. All I want was her to hold me & of course that will never happen because i'm not her favorite kid. I'm the kid thats bad and loud, & has a problem with everything, & i'll always be that kid but that doesnt mean my problems dont matter. It doesnt mean when i'm upset over something she did, that she could go to sleep so easily why I cry myself to sleep. Its not fair. especially being the type of person i am i dont let things go, i dont know why but i cant & its killing me that shes a sleep right now. To top it all off my sister held me & comforted me once but i guess that was a one time thing cause once I started to get upset again she just pretended I didnt exist. All I want is my mom to wake up & tell me shes sorry & to hold me because if not its going to bother me all night. I know its insane & dramatic but thats the type of person I am & always will be. Its times like this were my mind wonders to an incredibly depressive state. A place where all I could think about is hurting myself...but i won't, i never do. There was times were I would cut because I couldnt handle all the emotions that I was going through, I didnt know how to make it stop or release them...& cutting was the only way I knew how to. But thankfully i stopped for a year, & things were going great until now. I promise to the few people that read this that i'll stay strong...I always do.

xoxo that girl Dee.

I HATE BEING A GIRL...CRAMPS.

I honestly think this might be a weekly post, discussing the numerous reasons why I hate being a girl. But lets start with the first pretty obvious reason (especially since it's been bothering me all day) my 'period'. I seriously just want to write a single incredibly long post about PMSing because the older i've gotten the more I noticed it & the worse it is. I get angry at people for no reason, I cry over the stupidest things, I feel so depressed & upset & I cant even tell you why...but again we'll save that for another time. Whats really bothering me now is CRAMPS. I know some (very lucky) girls dont get them as bad as others, but because I've inherited the lovely trait from my mother my cramps are incredibly bad. Like i honestly feel theres 2 tiny ninjas having a japanese sword fight inside my uterus ( did i paint a colorful picture?) The first few days are the worst, which i like to spend laying on the floor in the fetal position. Cramps make girls miserable & just feel plain icky & gross, & it pisses me off that boys dont understand at all. Why can't they all be like Ashton Kutcher in No Strings Attached (great movie, you should watch it) & make us a period mix tape & brings us chocolates & all nice things. Since I have cramps so bad i'm going to tell you a few ways to make the cramps a little less painful.

• MIDOL- it works like a lot. Basically my savior during this time of the month. 
• VITAMINS- I know theres a few vitamins that you could take once a day that will ease the pain when its your time of the month, & it really works. I've tried it & i remember not really feeling the cramps the first day. But my adhd kicked in & i would forget them. But you really really should try to take vitamins, like centrism & Vitamin D. 
• HEATING PAD- either on your stomach or your lower back is very helpful. 
• HOT TEA- makes everything better. 
• & last but not least EAT LOTS OF CHOCOLATE- because what cant chocolate do? 

I hope you read this & try some of these out, let me know if it works :)

xoxo that girl Dee :)

Daily Image: True Love

This is something i found browsing on google & I really liked it a lot. Being a hopeless romantic & having parents that are divorced I always said that the guy I marry will be the guy I spend the rest of my life with. I know that life doesn't always work out that way. It's crazy to think how 'normal' divorce is now a days. But I'm going to make sure that the man I marry will be worth all the stress & problems in the future.

I already know the 3 questions I have to ask myself about the man I love:

1. Will he make a good father?
2. Will he still think i'm beautiful in the morning? (which is important because we all dont wake up looking like models.) 
3. Can I see myself with him 50 years from now still in love as if were the first day we met? 

You might think I seem a little delusional but true love is very rare now a days, & I believe once you have it & you believe its real you should do whatever you can to keep it. 

15 years from now i'll update you on my romance situation while im sitting at home on my laptop surrounded by my 27 cats, but i hope you all have better luck. 

xoxo That Girl Dee :) 

Athazagoraphobia- fear to be forgotten, ignored or abandoned

In my last post I vented about my sucky day but I also mentioned that i've moved a few years ago from point A to Point B. But 3 years ago when I started to go to high school in Point B, which meant ending all ties to point A. Leaving my friends & all the people that I cared about. Since Point A & B aren't to far apart it isn't hard to go & visit but its complicated. All my friends in Point A moved on, they have their own friends & lives that i'm not apart of. I know that i'm not the only one in this situation whatever it may be, moving, or going to different schools we've all left people that meant so much to us & its hard....believe me I know. Seeing my old friends with new ones hurts...& theres nothing I could do about it. For a very long time it was really hard to let go of my past & my friends. I remember so many times fighting with my old best friend because she was slowly forgetting me, she was moving on...something I was unable to do until about the beginning of this year. When I was able to accept the fact that things wouldn't be the same with me & my old friends, i wouldn't be able to have the relationship & the life that I did before. And when I did that I was able to meet new friends & finally move on. Of course every once in a while we would visit each other & pick up where we left off, but it wasn't really like how we used to be, & i was okay with that. She'd tell me what was going on in her life & id have no clue who she was talking about because it was about people she met in high school, people I didnt know. But again I finally moved on & finally it didn't hurt anymore seeing pictures of her with her new friends & her life, because i had my own.

So if any of you are going through what I did, I promise you its gets better. & its okay to let go & move on... If you need any help or advice on the subjectt let me know :) 

xoxo that girl Dee.

UGH....Venting/Rant #1

Ever have those days where you planned everything out, & you were going to have fun & everything was going to be great but instead everythings going wrong? Well thats what today is like, & it sucks. I'm the type of person that doesn't like to go out or really do anything especially now during the summer. But for weeks now i've had the perfect plans for today I was going to go out & have fun with my friends & my sister. I did my hair, my nails, i was really excited...but of course I have the worst luck & the rain has to ruin everything. I don't if i'm pmsing or i'm just really upset or a little bit of both. Because right now i'm sitting on the floor of my room crying because today was supposed to be my last fun day (more like my only fun day) before i go back to school, & now its impossible. My sister doesn't even want to go out anymore & basically i'm just sad as stupid as it sounds. Just imagine waiting for a day where you could go out & have fun with no worries or problems & when it finally comes it all falls apart. Whats worse is that my sister doesn't even understand why i'm so upset. She doesn't realize how important this day was to me. My summer hasn't been the best & i had high expectations for this day. I've listened to my sister cry & complain so many times about days like this, which is why i'm surprised she's being so mean. The few people that will probably read this might not understand either so let me try to explain why this meant so much to me. A few years ago I moved from one place to another, they arent to far apart but since i've moved i havent been able to visit or see any of my old friends & i was really hoping that today i would be able to do that. We were going to a feast that they have every year where I used to live. I was honestly really looking forward to going & seeing everyone, & i was even going to bring a friend that i've met where i live now. I wanted to show her how fun & cool everything is where i used to live. I anted to introduce her to my friends & i planned this amazing day. The rational non-harmonal part of me is saying that we could always go another day, which isnt really true because its so hard to get there & even harder to get everyone together...

so basically my day sucks, I hope everyones day is going a lot better than mine. 

xoxo that girl dee. 

:(

“The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart, and being thoughtful, and being generous. Everything else is crap, I promise you. It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less, so don’t buy it.”-Ashton Kutcher

If Ashton Kutcher feels this way, than we better believe it :) 

xoxo, that girl Dee.

Can We Dance- The Vamps

heres a great song by The Vamps, an english band that isn't really that well known yet. They're really great & the songs so catchy, its been stuck in my head for weeks. So check it out :)
Can We Dance- The Vamps

xoxo That girl Dee :)

Daily Advice #1: Take Chances

Don't be afraid to take risks, do the things you could never imagine yourself doing. Talk to a boy first, join a club, try out for a sport. Put yourself out there, because you'll never know what you're missing out on. :)

xoxo That Girl Dee. :)

Expectations...

As teenagers many adults hold high expectations with school & life & it could be incredibly stressful. I know i'm the type of person that puts a lot of pressure on myself & has high expectations for my grades & stuff like that. On one hand they could be good, but on the other they could be incredibly stressful. At this time in my life I'll soon be taking the SAT & applying to colleges & I know my family has very high expectations for all of that, & they have a good reason too. Because i work hard, i have an SAT tutor, i study a lot...but still in the back of my mind i cant help but think that i'm going to let them all down. Its apart of human nature to feel that way, once in a while everyone does. But as such a critical time its scary. I also know that many people feel high expectations are a way to motivate them to their goal, & if you can think of it that way thats amazing. But i'm incredibly self-consicous about everything, even when I study for a test I think i failed. Just with so many things happening at once, dealing with the SAT, and college, I want to be able to enjoy my senior year without having a nervous breakdown... But the summers not over yet, so wish me luck :)

xoxo That Girl Dee.

For all you Hot Heads out there...

Having ADHD & just being a regular hot head it doesn't take much to get me angry. Probably over stupid things & nonsense. When i was younger it was a lot harder to control, a small fight with my mom or my siblings & i'd be screaming on the top of my lungs trying to make a point or something. But as I got older things started to change. I grew up & matured. But still there are times when I cant help but scream into my pillow trying to release my frustrations. But I've notice theres better ways to keep calm & let your emotions out, not just anger but a lot of others too. And as stupid as you think these ideas are you should try them cause they could help.

• Write in a journal, or a blog;)- express all your feelings out on to paper instead of keeping them bottled up. You could even try writing a letter to the person that you angery at or upset with & you dont even have to give it to them or send them. 
• Also on the topic of writing, Wattpad is a great site to let your imagination run wild. Creating stories that you've thought of & created could help with calming you down. 
• Listen to music- put in some headphones & blast the music. Its a way to just get lost in your favorite songs & let go of all the anger & hurt that you feel. 
• Read a book- my favorite escape from reality & all the problems I have. 
• Talk to someone- vent out all your frustrations & feelings. 
• Take a shower- as odd as it sounds it cold be a time where you just figure out all your thoughts & rationalize what you're feeling without anyone disturbing you. 

But thats all I have for right now, maybe i'll take my own advice. I hope you do too :) 

xoxo That Girl Dee. 

Conflicted...

As teenagers starting around the age of 16 you're expected to have in mind a career that you want to do for the rest of your life. Which is pretty stressful. Being the very indecisive person I am just thinking about that decision gets me nervous. Even though ever since i could remember I planned to be a Pediatrician. Constantly I have these doubts because I know i'm incredibly interested in journalism & writing. Its something I love to do...& it scares me to think that i'll want to change my mind when its too late. My family always pushed me towards the idea of being a doctor, & they arent really aware about my love for writing. So as I think about it now, almost a senior in high school I start to worry...but then I remember nothings set in stone, & eventually I'll find the right career for me :)

xoxo That girl Dee. :)