What is wrong with me?

Because seriously I'd like to know...

This might be my crazy teen female hormones, but I feel like nothing ever goes right for me. Maybe thats a tad dramatic, but seriously. All I've ever wanted was to have the amazing teen movie high school experience...but i knew that it was impossible because thats not who i am. But I want a boy to think i'm pretty.  I want to be courageous enough to actually tell a boy i like them...or even talk to them. But no...I cant because i'm incredibly shy. But why is being shy & awkward holding me back? Because I have a friend who's exactly like me, but boys always like her & want to talk to her. I'm just starting to feel more and more bad about myself. Why cant I be interesting & outgoing? why cant i be beautiful & different? What makes me so unlikable. Its like i'll never be the person that I want too...I'll never get the things I've always dreamed about. I just want to be happy & I want to make the best of my senior year, but how can i do that when the thought of socializing gives me a panic attack? So many people tell me to put myself out there to face my fears but I cant...it scares me. If a slightly attractive person sits next to me, I tense up thinking that their silently judging me. I put on this facade & I act like I don't care what people think, i don't care that i have a few close friends, like i'm to cool to care about anything but thats not the truth. Because in my mind I'm hoping someone will see right through it all & see me for what I really am...An awkward, insecure, shy, antisocial mess of a human being.

Maybe things will change, but I doubt it...

Xoxo that girl Dee...

Holy Grail Music Video is finally out!

I'm a big Justin timberlake & Jay-Z fan & I loved the song when it came out & I was really excited about the music video so you should check it out:)

Holy Grail Music Video

xoxo, that girl Dee :).

So much to do & not enough time...

Many teens like myself are huge procrastinators, & if you're not then you deserve an award. But I don't know if its the ADHD but compared to many of my friends I take procrastination to the next level. I put off all the things I have to do till the last minute, & then comes the anxiety. Just thinking about all of the things I have to do before school & comparing that to the 3 days I have left (omg just realized it was 3 days) gives me a major case of anxiety. There's so many things to do & not enough time & it sucks. I'm not even the type of person who can sit down take a breath make a list & organize myself, a trait I definitely know has to so with my ADHD. I feel like when I actually make a list of everything & try to figure out a schedule my head will explode cause I'll realize that it's impossible. & I know it's no ones fault but my own which really doesn't help. That just makes me feel worse, like if I was just smart enough to try to do everything a little at a time a few weeks ago i wouldn't be in this mess. I just feel like times moving to fast & I can barely grasp onto a moment. It's just one thing after another. It feels like the more I tho k about it the more things it seems like I have to do & it scares me. Like this is my senior year, it's supposed to be the best one yet & I already ruined it...UGH. This whole summer I couldn't think about going back to school or starting to prepare to go back that I made a big mess of things. To top it all off I got my license in June but driving still gets me nervous & I haven't really drove in a while & now on Wednesday I have to drive to school alone like how am I going to be able to do  that. 

K after I wrote this i save it & I took some time to figure things out. I wrote everything out & I talked to my mom I planned out a schedule & she helped me find a way to get everything done before school & my head didn't explode. So I guess if any of you are stressing like I was take a deep breath & organize yourself it's the best way to handle everything :) 

Xoxo that girl Dee. 

Expectations...

As teenagers many adults hold high expectations with school & life & it could be incredibly stressful. I know i'm the type of person that puts a lot of pressure on myself & has high expectations for my grades & stuff like that. On one hand they could be good, but on the other they could be incredibly stressful. At this time in my life I'll soon be taking the SAT & applying to colleges & I know my family has very high expectations for all of that, & they have a good reason too. Because i work hard, i have an SAT tutor, i study a lot...but still in the back of my mind i cant help but think that i'm going to let them all down. Its apart of human nature to feel that way, once in a while everyone does. But as such a critical time its scary. I also know that many people feel high expectations are a way to motivate them to their goal, & if you can think of it that way thats amazing. But i'm incredibly self-consicous about everything, even when I study for a test I think i failed. Just with so many things happening at once, dealing with the SAT, and college, I want to be able to enjoy my senior year without having a nervous breakdown... But the summers not over yet, so wish me luck :)

xoxo That Girl Dee.

Shady's back...

One of my all time favorite rappers Eminem, just released his new single Berzerk. The songs great, and has a lot of styles heard in his older music like from The Eminem Show, & Encore. He also revealed the release date for his new album The" MMLP2", which is November 5th. So you all should take a listen :)  Berzerk - Eminem

xoxo That Girl Dee. :)

The SAT...

I'm 17 & going into my senior year of high school, & for the past 3 years all I've heard about was the SAT. SAT stands for Scholastic Assessment Test. A test that will have an impact on the rest of our future. That grade decides the rest of my life...no pressure though. Normally i'm very hard on myself in school, always stressed out & under pressure...but I know when it comes to this test i'm not the only who feels this way. I've already taken it twice & i personally didn't like my score, the next time I take it will be the last time & thats nerve-wrecking. The whole idea of this stupid test sucks...& as much as I hate it I continue to stress myself out over the idea. If I get a good grade, I get into a good college, if I get into a good college, I can get a good job, if I get a good job then I can make enough money & be successful...a never ending cycle. But to be honest if you go & ask your parents or your aunts & uncles what they got on this stupid test they probably wont remember at all. The whole things idiotic. The whole timing thing gets to me too. I hate sitting there rushing through a section giving myself anxiety, panicking, and waiting for the teacher to tell me to stop...UGHHH. But if you're as stress out as I am over this stupid test then I think i could help you...(hopefully i'll be able to take my own advice.) 

A very important thing when it comes to this test is relax...don't let it get to you.

If you want to work on your vocabulary but you hate to sit there & try to memorize words, then check this link out --> http://www.sparknotes.com/satfiction/
Thats a list of books that includes SAT words, & they're actually interesting so give it a try.

GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND, USE IT- take a practice test, grade yourself & the sections that you didnt do to well on GOOGLE. There a lot of resources online to help you out.

If you havent really given yourself much time to practice, set an alarm on your phone that goes off everyday & remind yourself to study.

It's 2013 guys download an app- search SAT in the appstore of whatever phone you have & i bet theres a lot of apps that could help.

Even though the tests start in october, it's something that I've been thinking about so here you go : )

xoxo That girl Dee :)