Long Time No Post?

Well lately things have been tough for me. I started college which has been a stuggle. Its different and its been difficult to adjust. There was a point where I was just doing too much with no time and i just couldnt handle it anymore so I decided to quit my job which has added an increasing amount of stress. Funny thing about working, no matter how much it sucks you work to get paid. And getting paid is just great, you dont realize how much you need money until there is no more coming in. Ugh but yeah. I dont know lately i've been an over all mess. I feel like i'm alone with this whole stressing out thing. Like i feel like i have so much to do with such little time, and its driving me crazy. But i'm hoping for the best and trying to get my life together as hard as it may be.



That girl Dee:))

Daily Image : Peter Pan

A quote from one of my all time favorite characters, Peter Pan. Theres something about a boy who cant let go of his youth & innocence that I can relate to. Not only is the story fictional, but its relatable. We all had the moments where we wished we could stay young forever, & just put off on growing up for as long as we can. To be honest I think we all have a little bit of Peter Pan in ourselves...

xoxo That Girl Dee.

Panicking...

So the very few people that read this, knows I recently went to apply for a job where my sisters works as a cashier. That was a pretty awkward experience, I bit all my nails & even tripped UP the stairs in front of everyone to laugh. But that being said, afterwards they said they would call wednesday...& that was driving me crazy. The thought of having to talk on the phone with some stranger made me hyperventilate. But they didn't call, so I thought maybe I wont get the job...which i was happy & sad about (because I need money for my disney trip) But anyway they called today & i start training on monday. Thankfully my sister will train me monday, but the second day some random stranger will be training me & i have never been so nervous. Like its stupid I get it, but i cant help it. I'm socially awkward in so many ways, & the thought of having this person (who is a boy & whos cute) watching me & talking to me makes me nervous. Like ugh....How am I supposed to get through this day. & to top it all off my sister wont be there which makes everything worse. I'm just scared & its something that has been on my mind all day...

Hopefully it wont be that bad (even though I know it will )

Xoxo That girl Dee....

What is wrong with me?

Because seriously I'd like to know...

This might be my crazy teen female hormones, but I feel like nothing ever goes right for me. Maybe thats a tad dramatic, but seriously. All I've ever wanted was to have the amazing teen movie high school experience...but i knew that it was impossible because thats not who i am. But I want a boy to think i'm pretty.  I want to be courageous enough to actually tell a boy i like them...or even talk to them. But no...I cant because i'm incredibly shy. But why is being shy & awkward holding me back? Because I have a friend who's exactly like me, but boys always like her & want to talk to her. I'm just starting to feel more and more bad about myself. Why cant I be interesting & outgoing? why cant i be beautiful & different? What makes me so unlikable. Its like i'll never be the person that I want too...I'll never get the things I've always dreamed about. I just want to be happy & I want to make the best of my senior year, but how can i do that when the thought of socializing gives me a panic attack? So many people tell me to put myself out there to face my fears but I cant...it scares me. If a slightly attractive person sits next to me, I tense up thinking that their silently judging me. I put on this facade & I act like I don't care what people think, i don't care that i have a few close friends, like i'm to cool to care about anything but thats not the truth. Because in my mind I'm hoping someone will see right through it all & see me for what I really am...An awkward, insecure, shy, antisocial mess of a human being.

Maybe things will change, but I doubt it...

Xoxo that girl Dee...

Hopeless Romantic

So i'm officially a senior in high school which means I need to find a boyfriend that will be my high school sweetheart...I know its very realistic (sense the sarcasm.) Its just i'm the type of girl that dreams of a romance movie as a life. Meeting a guy that you know is the one, and falling madly in love. I know thats a long shot, not only in high school but in everyday life...but I still have hope. It's just insane to think that could ever happen, especially in high school. Being the shy girl I am, I couldnt imagine anyone having feelings for me like that. I dont even talk to any guys that could even be possible candidates in my romance story. The thought of someone who I dont really know actually liking me is crazy...even though there are many boys who I like that i barely know. But sometimes i cant help but wish someone will admit there feelings & we'll ride off into the sunset with each other. Oh God i'm going to be disappointed.  I just feel that this year should be different than the others. I should do things that I normally dont do, maybe even getting over my fears & actually talking to people...

but I guess we'll see.

xoxo That girl Dee. :)

Daily Image:

I just wish I had the courage to actually tell you this...

xoxo that girl Dee.

Driving...

SUCKS. I think its just me that feels this way...because i'm insane. As a kid the thought of driving was perfect, it was like once you had a car & a license you were free. But now that i'm there i dont feel that way at all. I'm not a bad driver. i passed the test, i got my license, & i have a car. But I still cant drive somewhere without having an anxiety attack. All my friends & the people I know who got there license didnt feel this way at all. They just started driving & going as soon as they could & i kind of feel bad. I know its worse for me because i have ADHD. i know without my medicine driving is extremely hard for me, like i dont take it seriously & i'm a little all over the place (not that it happens often, just that my medicine starts to wear off). But when I do take it & i'm going somewhere that i havent been before i get extremely nervous & tense, like i think i'm doing everything wrong. I just always feel like i'm going to do something wrong, no matter what. Thats why i dont like to keep driving, i'm like okay i drove for 20 minutes i did fine lets not drive any longer & take a chance. Thats not a normal way to think, but of course i'm not normal...UGHHH & again i hate comparing myself to so many other people who love to drive. Like just the thought of driving to school tomorrow makes me panicky, & i'm even going with my friend! sometimes I wish i could just be normal, & get over this fear...but of course i cant, cause I suck.

So if you guys are like me, or have been when you first started driving then let me know cause i could useee it.

xoxo that girl Dee...